An Open Letter To THE Man WHO DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO LOVE ME

This is an open letter journal entry to invite you into what and how I felt many years ago when I first started dating. I was sharing some real and raw experiences at that time. I am hoping that this will be a light to others and be giving them hope that they're not alone! 

So, let us begin with my thoughts or afterthoughts after one of the relationships that I had in the past and having to let go and forgive the guy I was with so that we can be both be free from pain.

Dear to the Guy who never knew how to love me, 

For a long time, I felt like I was a big failure to you. One failure you had to step on so that you could get higher. You have treated me ever so terribly, and for some strange reason, I could never realize that at the right time. I was too blinded by your charm and again your demeanor towards me. I was so blinded by your lies and empty promises that you kept promising as I wait for them to come true. But, did they come true, NO?! I only saw you as a prince charming that I liked and wanted to be with me, or at least you made me believe that. You pretended very well and managed to make me fall in love completely, to become like a faithful dog who would follow you everywhere you go, loving you and 100% loyal to you.

Every relationship no matter what one we go through, goes through the pain and sufferings from time to time. Unfortunately, we realize it too late and that is why we end up with a broken heart. This is what happened to me.

I fell in love with you, I fell in love with you so deeply and hard that I had to surrender myself by giving up all my dreams, hopes, visions, and more. I blinded myself to the reality that you were not the one for me and that I do not deserve to be treated like shit.

I guess when we face a breakup, the first thing we do is look at who we can blame, why it happened, who is guilty, what happened, etc. In this case, I would like to blame my own sweet young innocence for having fallen in love with you the way I did. The truth is I have never imagined this intense feeling would grow within me. It was, almost, like looking at a small plant grow, slowly, leaf by leaf and soon be faced with the fact that this little one had become a tree.

Despite my slowness, I was not able to understand the warning signs around me. Slowly, I began drowning in the depth of your gaze and your silence made me more and more anxious. I guess it was that that hurts me the most: the lack of words along with expectations and dreams that I have slowly knitted in my hands.

It hurt me that even though I could feel the truth in my body and even being on the cold I felt in my bones you were never able to tell me. With us, there were no farewells or heartbreaking words. You just faded away as if I was in a dream as if suddenly you had the ability to make it with so much ease, like taking a breath.

You never admitted the real reason and that is why I was sleepless for so many nights thinking if it was all my darn fault.

Today, as I write this, I have decided that if someone has to be guilty, it is you, with all your lack of maturity and your inability to say all things out loud. Your silence was a constant, almost from the beginning and the only time we connected was when you decided that you finally had the desire to kiss me.

I have never seen more of you than that.

I think I was always waiting for the right moment when you would take off your mask and reveal yourself your true self. . I imagined that would be the time when we would realize that we were meant for each other because I would be the only one capable of understanding and helping you.

I was naive, yes so naive.

You made me feel terrible when I got mad and claimed all those little things you did to hurt me, you told me I was crazy and you know what?

Yeah, I was crazy about you. You had me trapped in a net and I could not see all the signs that told me I should have stayed away from you.

You just were not right for me.

Now I can understand that I deserve a man who respects me and who chooses me above everything else. I deserve someone I can tell when something bothers me without being called “crazy”, it’s okay, it’s not all in your head, let me help you, someone who understands and supports me. I deserve a man who accepts his mistakes and can live with the consequences of them, who can apologize and prove that he can fix the damage he has done. You just could never do that for me.

I do not feel bad because you are gone, I feel bad because you could never see the incredible person that I am and have become and the great love I felt for you.

Of course, it hurt when we finished, but thanks to that, now I can understand what and who I am, and above all what I deserve. I deserve a person who takes part in the relationship. I deserve communication and honesty. I deserve everything that you never gave me.

I finally decided to let you go out of my memory. Your presence is no longer part of my daily life, for months. You now belong in my past and not my future. Now I think I understand that we both deserve the same kind of happiness, and that love is not and can never be a passive or unilateral emotion. I suppose I am saying this because of the reason that I refuse to say that what we once had was “love.”

If I can speak about love, and if you let me do so, I have come to the same conclusion as many others before me: What really matters is self-love and the love we truly try to share with each other, because it never goes out of style.

I know that you, to whom I am writing this letter, will never read it. Or maybe yes, I cannot guarantee anything. But no matter what happens I just hope you will be able to take a lesson from this experience in the same way that I did. After all, everything that happens to us in this life is a lesson we must treasure.

I know that I will find a man who will love me, appreciate me, and who will give me everything he’s got to make me feel incredible all the time. I deserve something more and not less.

Now I know I will never waste time with a man like you.

Best regards,

The girl who escaped from you when she can and she is now set free from all the pain and misery..