NO ROOM FOR GRAY   I went to sleep with gum in my mouth and now there’s gum in my hair when I got out of bed this morning I tripped on the skateboard and by mistake, I dropped my sweater in the sink while the water was running and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Quote from Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day – a really great example of black-and-white thinking. Black-and-white thinking can sometimes feel intentional or manipulative, especially when it happens again and again and in similar situations when it arises.     Black-and-white thinking is also known as “polarized thinking patterns”. Polarized thinking patterns are ways of thinking that just make sense to people with Autism yet other people with mental illnesses such as Bipolar, Depression, etc. Black and white thinking is a pattern of thoughts that are characterized by thinking in the extremes as they will work in way of being polar opposites.An example is that everything will be the worst day ever or the best day ever. Individuals on the spectrum struggle with the nuances and non-verbal gestures and communication that exist in interpersonal interactions and communication standards that may come more naturally to others.         How many times a day do you find yourself thinking, feeling, or talking about something as if there must be only one or two possible choices or ways to go?For example – Either I’m a winner or I’m a loser; I can prove I was right, so that proves you are wrong; to take care of your needs I have to give up on mine; if you can’t be open and spontaneous (like me) then you are inhibited; I only have two choices, fight or give up; you are controlled by your feelings and he is controlled by their own mind.       Another classic example here is that anything lower than 100% on a math quiz = failure. And, that’s even if the actual grade earned is a 97%. Handling conflicts is a tough one, to begin with, but for someone with Autism, an argument or lack of agreement about a topic = no more friendship. A young woman with Autism may get into an argument with a friend at school and immediately feel they are not friends with this person anymore, struggling to understand that disagreements are a natural part of any relationship and can and should be able to be worked through by communicating with one another. These automatic thoughts can lead to significant setbacks in a child’s academic and social functioning.   Notice also that this way of looking at the world also contains very strong judgmental elements. The essential energy behind each polarized thought is that one idea, one person, or one side is good or powerful and the other is wrong or powerless. So, what is going on that locks us into this limited way of looking at life and robs us of our freedom of choice?     This way of seeing the world (polarized thinking) is not only common, but it is also often emphasized during childhood and teenage years, by our parents, (you are a good child or a bad child; if you don’t tell the truth you are lying) our teachers (If you know the ‘right’ answer or do your exercise the ‘correct’ way you pass; if you can’t do it correctly you fail) and our spiritual leaders (until you are ‘saved’ you are not a true believer; this is only one ‘true’ faith, no other faith can get you into Heaven).   Polarized thinking is the very essence of our legal system (either you are innocent or guilty, if you can prove it you win the case, if you don’t have the evidence you lose the case).  Polarized thinking for black-and-white thinking can go to the extremities.Our government and our political parties operate very much within the limits of polarized thinking, which effectively rules out most opportunities for compromise or consensus. Most wars are between two sides, each stuck in the same kind of restricted thinking but polarized in opposing positions with no room to move. (We are right, they are wrong and we must kill them to prove it). Sports such as football encourage the same approach to life.   This sort of approach is known as “All or Nothing thinking.” As this will interfere with our lives of a healthier relationship or friendship with someone. Does this seem to look and feel familiar to you of what we say to ourselves? With this type of thinking can distort our reality and contribute to negative impacts on our lives such as anxiety, depression, and other mental illnesses. How we change our way of thinking is up to us.   HOW DOES BLACK-AND-WHITE THINKING AFFECT US?   Black-and-white thinking can create helplessness. An example is that we may put our partner down by saying that they were a complete jerk for not doing what you asked them to do and you on the other hand aren’t willing to change your thoughts and outlook of the problem at hand.   *Invites defensiveness in others:   For example, you never did the chores I asked you to do. You start yelling and all and that makes them feel worthless and defenseless due to you attacking them with your words. There are a lot of reasons why they may not have done that they could’ve been busy, tired, forgot to do them, and not intentionally trying to drive you insane. This sort of thinking behavior towards our partner will then result in break-ups, divorces, arguments and so much stress, etc to the point that you will be left alone. So, we need to be careful how we use or choose our words to whoever we’re talking to as this can result in consequences. You can always find ways to improve your communication that