Everyday Struggles That Autistic Females Face When Dating Or In A Relationship
Many of us female autistics that we do face similar situations as the neurotypicals face yet some can be more deeper and darker. Here are some more topics based on the everyday struggles as of now and after this, I shall give you some tips and advice when dating an autistic female or just autistics in general. Camouflaging/Masking Again, this term has interchanged so much so to give you a better understanding of this term let me define this for you as you may have heard it has been used in the autistic community groups that you are with or with autistic people in general. In writing this to you all, I have also made a few topics of discussion for this term on my channel which you can find it here if you are interested to know more: Autism and Masking (Overview) [2018] So, what is the term meaning of masking? Masking is a term where autistics tend to hide or suppress certain behaviours to each neurotypical to deem as ‘normal” This isn’t only happening with autistic females autistic males do this too. Masking also has long-term effects on our mental health as well. But women with autism tend to mask to a far greater degree than other groups, in order to fit into a world that feels alien in many ways. Misunderstanding social rules, facing criticism for being oneself, becoming overwhelmed and exhausted in social situations, and dealing with sensory overload can all lead to consistent masking behaviours in women with autism. When you have autism, you may feel as if you are constantly adapting to a situation that doesn’t inherently work for you—often, because it doesn’t make any room for your needs and wants. You may learn that you’re not just “shy”; you’re too shy. You’re not just “direct”; you’re too direct. You’re not just enthusiastic; you’re too enthusiastic. Too tantrummy. Too blunt. Too sensitive. And so the list grows and continues. Can any of these be relatable and so much more of the pet peeves or common statements that we hear most of the time/or almost every day? KEY POINTS TO REMEMBER: · Camouflaging or “masking” behaviors that are deemed inappropriate or strange can lead to low self-esteem in women with autism. · Because of criticism received early in life, many women with autism judge themselves as being both “too much” and “not enough.” · Identifying the roots of low self-esteem and recognizing one’s strengths can help women with autism move beyond masking to self-acceptance. Although anyone with ASD might feel pressure to mask to adapt to societal expectations, gain acceptance, or cope with social stigma and/or stereotyping from others around them, it’s more likely used by autistic folks who: Require minimal support as described in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition (DSM-5) Are aware of the presence of social stigma or societal expectations Have had experiences with bullying or social rejection Identify as female Have a specific goal in mind, such as obtaining a job or a romantic relationship Often, masking behaviors involve hiding specific symptoms of autism, including: camouflaging sensitivities to sound or other sensory difficulties reducing self-regulating behaviors such as stimming covering up expressive and receptive language challenges. Here is what author, Hannah Belcher has shared and discussed about masking in autistic people, based on research and her own personal experience. To ‘mask’ or to ‘camouflage’ means to hide or disguise parts of oneself in order to better fit in with those around you. It is an unconscious strategy all humans develop whilst growing up in order to connect with those around us. However, for us autistic folk the strategy is often much more ingrained and harmful to our wellbeing and health. Because our social norms are different to others around us, we often experience greater pressure to hide our true selves and to fit into that non-autistic culture. More often than not, we have to spend our entire lives hiding our traits and trying to fit in, even though the odds of appearing ‘non-autistic’ are against us. Masking may involve suppressing certain behaviours we find soothing but that others think are ‘weird’, such as stimming or intense interests. It can also mean mimicking the behaviour of those around us, such as copying non-verbal behaviors and developing complex social scripts to get by in social situations. With this comes a great need to be like others, and to avoid the prejudice and judgment that comes with being ‘different’. Over time we may become more aware of our own masking, but it often begins as an unconscious response to social trauma before we even grasp our differences. I was 23 when I received my autism diagnosis, and it was only through learning more about masking that I realized how my diagnosis had been hidden for so long. It wasn’t that my autistic traits weren’t there, they’d just been in disguise for so long. The strategy of masking shows just how clever and resourceful our young minds are at finding ways of coping. At some points in our lives, like during job interviews, it may have even been useful. Effects of masking However, just because a coping strategy was once useful, it doesn’t mean it always will be. Studies are now beginning to find how detrimental to our mental health masking can be (Bradley et al., 2021; Hull et al., 2019). Autistic people who mask more show more signs of anxiety and depression, and the strategy may even been linked to an increase in suicidal behaviours (Cassidy et al. 2018). There are several reasons why this could be. Firstly, masking uses up vital resources that we can’t use in other areas of our lives. To put it simply, it is exhausting. I still find myself regularly battling autistic ‘burnt out’ and periods of mental health crisis from the strain of trying to adapt myself to live in a world that just isn’t adjusted to my way of thinking. Also, it stops us from developing our true identities.