As I walk through these lonely long footsteps now after hearing the tragic yet horrific news about some of the people in my life has now gone out of my life through death. That death came knocking at their door and that death has taken them away for whatever reason it may be. I am walking in disbelief, shock, and anger wondering to myself, “Why?” “What did I do to make it wrong?” And so many more of these unanswered questions. I had all sorts of crazy thoughts that were running through my mind at the time. These unanswered questions and thoughts need to be silenced once more.
Time stood still when I heard this as it felt like almost a sharp dagger stabbed my broken heart as I ache to have the ones that I loved and cherished in my life to still here. Yes, I have so many mixed feelings, emotions, and thoughts right now. Yet, it saddens me that the place where some of us have been and seen is now just a memory and a place of comfort and peace. I come here often as this is a quiet place for me to sit down to think and to write as well as to reminisce all the memories that have been shared through it all. But, now it breaks my heart that the places that were shared, the laughter shared, the tears shared, and more are now gone. I only have now some photos as well as some letters from the ones that wrote to me as well as knowing now that they’re only here with me in spirit.
Dear Grief as you know that despite the loved ones and friends that I had are now gone, writing in my journal gives me so much peace and comfort and it helps me a lot just by pouring all my hurt, and thoughts onto a page or in this case on the screen.
I want to ask you how did it happen, why did it happen, and why now? Why did some of my friends and family that I loved and adored
have to suffer the situations that they went through and not even bother telling me about them? Why did they have to think that they were doing me a favor to end their life or even just death in itself take them away? I question myself, was I good enough to be standing
by them through their hard times even if I didn’t see the signs of what was really going on in their life?
Would I be able to be their superhero, or even just some listening ear or board when they needed someone the most? I feel so hurt and angry. I cry every time I hear the names of my friends and loved ones that have passed. I cry every time when I hear the name of the ones that have left some precious and special people in their lives their parents, children, and grandchildren. I cry when I now know that they’re now gone and won’t forever see the beauty of this world of what the world is like and what their future would have been like. Some of them to have their own family, grow old and learn from their mistakes and just grow in themselves in spirit. All the while that the nevers that are said are breaking me to pieces and breaking my heart.
Another day starts and life goes on from the ones that are gone I have realized with them gone that I have now been given more peace, hope and inner courage, and strength to continue my life. You’ve taught me that there’s one life and chance in this lifetime to make things right and if I fall down or feel that I have failed something, I just gotta keep on going and not let anything or anyone stand in my way. I feel some days that they are at a standstill because the times that have been shared are now slowing down. But, grief, I know that you’re here to stay with me for a reason. And, also grief you’ve also become a part of me from what I am going through to what I am now becoming.
It makes me happy and at peace when I think about the ones that I have loved and lost along the way. I have been with them through thick and thin and we may have fought sometimes and I have been with them with some part of the journey of where they were. Despite it all, in spirit, they are with me, and they keep me going. Many of the ones that I have loved and lost along the way have inspired me to be the best me I can be and to be an inspiration to others big or small accomplishments made as well as making some of my dreams and goals a reality. Sharing memories with the world of my loved ones and friends brings me so much happiness. When grief is being shared, it feels less lonely, and not feel that I am in the dark as there are others out there that will need me for whatever reason it may be. When any of my loved ones or friends I’ve lost their names are shared, it just brings a spark of joy, happiness, and laughter. Doing some of the things for my loved ones and friends is so precious to me to share with others do bring me some HOPE. My loved ones and friends will always be who and what they are to me. My love for my loved ones and friends will continue to shine and radiate through to others as they come on my journey and path of life to show me what life means to them.
Grief you’ve completely changed my life yet the bond shared with my loved ones and friends hasn’t changed along with whatever memories that we had and shared will still be there. I have said this many times yet now I am writing it to pen to paper as well as sharing it with the world. I am now accepting your grief! Why you may ask? As you have now been accepted as part of my life, love for everyone I’ve lost.