Let’s now begin. Dear Suicide, I know that there has been many times in my life that I have been struggling with a lot of battles and wars. As well as you know the internal and external struggles with these battles that has left me some scars and wounds that will take time to heal.  I know that I can and will win these. Despite that yes as we both know the choice is mine and mine alone. NO ONE ELSE’S. You came into my life for a time and a reason. Whatever that time and reason was, I was so blind, naive and believing all the white lies that you told me, fed me and keep on whispering to me the sweet nothings of the darkest thoughts, deepest fears. Despite the tears of frustration that I cried every night behind closed doors, with other mixed feelings and emotions such as helplessness and hopelessness that I felt in my mind and spirit. Despite all of these suicidal thoughts that started to come at my door that I will go through it all despite that I was tugging and towing, fighting so hard to know what is real and what was not at that time. While doing this time of figuring out what was my reality even though it felt like I was living in a nightmare that I did not belong or wish to be in. Trying to tug and tow to know what is real to reach out to others yet the fingers or hands are not anywhere in sight or in reach. Trying to call for help and not for attention. You came for a reason obviously; to mock me, to despair me, to taunt me and more. During this time to tell me these white lies or whispering to me the sweet nothings again to try and remind me in my darkest thoughts at that time when Depression came in to visit as well, knocking on my door. Telling me again with these labels; that I was worthless, hopeless, helpless and more. Telling me that no one will love me, no one will want me, no one will accept me, nobody will care for me, nobody will see me for the real me and more. You came into my life alongside with Depression and anxiety along with the negativity that has caused alot of grief and strife along the way in my life. You create thoughts, sweet thoughts of sweet nothings of the white lies in my mind to give me some false hopes, false dreams, false visions and more of what you wanted me to be or become. Even though I felt in my heart, mind, spirit and soul that there was more to what you were trying to offer to me and to what you were sharing in what is really going on. But at that moment, I was still blinded by your lies and perceptions that you were clouding in my mind. When we first met, however, I was helpless mess as you know Suicide. You were darkening me with all this by creating so many self-doubt, self-negativity and confusion along with many other mixed feelings and emotions along with these dark thoughts again Depression came to visit me again along the way. I was just a normal, typical young girl trying to make sense of the world, trying to fit in, trying to blend in, trying to stand out and figure out where I am heading and more in life like any young child would. Yet, despite all the peer pressures that was around while I was young – I was questioning myself over and over again, “What is or was going to be of me?” Despite all of this happenings I felt I was left out, taken for granted, left to hang out to dry, left on the shelf and becoming old and dust (figuratively speaking). I felt at the time also that I had nothing to give to others around me. Despite all that, my world at the time was looking crazy, hazy and bleak, I felt really down in myself. I was just a normal, typical young girl, despite what was really going on I tried to keep on putting a brave face, happy face along with many  smiles on and with  me at all times. Despite it all, within that smile, obviously we knew deep down that that it was not going to last for long. I was free, happy, quiet, full of energy, zest and life for a short period of time and short while. As I start to grow up and mature, growing despite what I am going through in my everyday life struggles/circumstances that different situations around me some can be won and some can be lost. I just need to know what is the right battles to fight and what ones to leave alone. As some situations/circumstances are beginning to change and is being a little bit colder as well as me being older despite you made it hard to come to grips in reality of it all, that it has taught me alot of life lessons along the way along with some experiences that makes me wiser, stronger and smarter. There has been many misunderstandings and misgivings. There has been many of times in my life in what I thought and I wished I knew despite being blinded through my darkest thoughts and fears that again was clouding over me through this time. Wishing, praying and hoping again and again who will be by my side, that will always have my back when I have theirs no matter what, catching me when I fall , supporting my dreams, goals and visions, catching/wiping away any tears that falls or streams down my face time and time again so that I can be at peace within myself. Many times I have tried to share or tell someone that I do not feel okay in my small and quiet