Recognising early signs & when to seek help
A calm, practical guide for spotting early signs of mental health struggles in children and teens — and knowing when to watch, when to write things down, and when to reach out for support.
Gentle note: This page mentions anxiety, low mood, self-harm and thoughts about not wanting to be here. If anything feels heavy, step away, breathe, or come back another time. You don’t have to read this all at once.
What you’ll learn on this page
It’s common for parents and carers to wonder: “Is this just a phase, or is something more going on?” This page is here to give you a clearer picture — without scaring you, or minimising your concerns.
- The difference between one-off tough days and patterns that matter.
- Early signs of stress, anxiety and low mood in children and teens.
- What counts as a red flag that needs prompt attention.
- When it’s okay to “watch and note”, and when to reach out for help.
- Simple ways to track what you’re noticing so you don’t have to hold it all in your head.
Early signs in children vs teens
Every child or teen is different. Neurodivergent young people may also show things differently, or mask them at school and “unmask” at home. Instead of hunting for a perfect checklist, look for changes from their own usual self.
In children
- More clingy than usual, or suddenly not wanting to be left alone.
- Lots of tummy aches or headaches that often appear before school or certain activities.
- Big reactions to small changes, transitions or surprises.
- Playing out “worries” or scary themes in their games.
- Withdrawing from play dates, hobbies or activities they usually enjoy.
In teens
- Spending much more time alone in their room or online.
- Changes in sleep, appetite, energy or motivation.
- Dropping out of hobbies, clubs or friendships they used to care about.
- Being more irritable, snappy or flat than usual, for weeks at a time.
- Masking outside the home, then melting down or shutting down at home.
Red flags: signs to take very seriously
Some signs deserve prompt attention, even if you’re not sure exactly what’s going on. Trust your gut; you know your child or teen best.
For children and teens
- Talking about wanting to die, disappear or “not be here”.
- Talking about or showing signs of self-harm.
- Sudden, extreme changes in behaviour, mood or personality.
- Very strong avoidance of school or leaving the house.
- Seeming empty, hopeless or detached most of the time.
When to seek urgent help
- They say they have a plan to hurt themselves or end their life.
- They have already injured themselves and you’re worried about their safety.
- You feel unable to keep them safe at home, even with support.
- Your gut says “this is an emergency”, even if you can’t explain why.
For urgent safety concerns, use your local crisis lines, emergency services or after-hours health numbers. If you’re unsure, it’s okay to call and say, “I’m not sure if this is an emergency, but here’s what’s happening…”
Watch, write down, or reach out?
Not every concern needs immediate professional help, but it can still be important. This simple framework can help you decide your next step.
1. Watch & support
- Use when there are mild changes, and your child/teen is still functioning in daily life.
- Offer extra connection, routine and calm time.
- Gently name what you notice: “You’ve seemed more tired and quiet this week.”
- Check in regularly and see if things are easing, staying the same, or getting harder.
2. Write things down
- Note dates, what happened, and how intense it was.
- Include sleep, appetite, school, body complaints and mood.
- Jot down any major changes (moves, friendships, bullying, illness, etc.).
- This record can be very helpful if you talk with a GP, teacher or counsellor.
3. Reach out for help
- Use when the changes are lasting several weeks, getting worse, or impacting everyday life.
- Start with people you already have contact with – GP, school, trusted community worker, helpline.
- It’s okay to say, “I’m not sure what this is, but something feels off and I’d like to talk it through.”
Talking about getting help without adding shame
The words we use around support, diagnosis and services can make a big difference to how children and teens feel about themselves. We can talk about getting help in a way that feels empowering, not blaming.
“What’s wrong with you?”
“Something feels really hard right now. Let’s see who can help us with this.”
“If you don’t sort yourself out, we’ll have to take you to someone.”
“We don’t have to do this alone. There are people whose job is to help families with big feelings.”
“You’re making such a big deal out of this.”
“This feels like a big deal to you, and that matters. Let’s look at options together.”
What you can do right now
You don’t have to have everything figured out to take a gentle next step.
- Choose one behaviour or change you’re most concerned about and write down when it happens.
- Pick one calm moment to check in with your child or teen: “How has your heart/brain/body been lately?”
- Make a short list of people or services you might contact if things feel harder.
- Remind yourself: noticing early is an act of care, not of failure.